Author: f-spork

What is even real anymore?

Definitely not good laptop design at Acer Long time no see, dear readers. We’ve been on hiatus for a while now and have finally returned to the harsh reality of being another cog in the great mechanism that is the Argosy newspaper. As the cool kids say, wyd? But as we like to say, how […]

You won’t believe this celeb’s drunken adventure

Shocking eyewitness account reveals the truth Coming off of Halloween, we have an extremely pressing true story to share with you, our dear readers. Usually we have all the answers for you, but after what happened we only have questions. We were approached by an anonymous source about their funky, strange experience this past weekend. […]

The Sheeple Show

Running in the nineteenth Firefox tab of a computer near you Welcome back, dear readers, to your weekly glimpse of the real (i.e. not fake AF) news. If you have a brain and any quality resembling wokedness, you may have noticed some strange occurrences in our world today. From computer science “professors” using Internet Explorer […]

The truth behind the chicken burgers

What the grill station doesn’t want you to know Welcome, dear readers. We have ascended from our hole in the ground as our not-so-friendly extraterrestrial visitors have blasted off in their pure-alcohol fuelled rockets. This week, we thought we would expose a story on a crucial topic that we have been hinting at for the […]

…. . .-.. .–.

BREAKING NEWS Hello once again, sheeple. This week’s message will be short and sweet, as we write it in Morse code under a faulty lighting fixture from an undisclosed panic bunker. It appears that our alien guests haven’t left Sackville yet, so no truth bombs will be dropped this week. We do have knowledge of […]

The wild on-goings of Shag Harbour

Less disappointing than we thought Welcome, dear readers. As you’re probably aware, the Thanksgiving holiday is fast approaching. For some, that means going home to their family or friends and eating so much turkey that it results in a coma. For others, it means staying here and partaking in what Jennings has to offer (chicken […]

Proof the Illuminati are on Campus

#4 Will SHOCK You Welcome to the Argosy’s newest column, where we’ll be informing you of the real on-goings at Mount Allison and the pancake-like disc the world actually is. Due to suspicious activity, we begin a week later than expected. But, worry not, we still have time to spread the truth. We did have an article written, but the […]