David Suzuki poised to get “totally fucked” at Mt. A Homecoming

Trill Waves and Matt MClennan
Humour Editor/Demigod and Contributor (Respectively)

As you may have heard, famed Canadian environmentalist David Suzuki will be in Sackville to partake in Mount Allison’s homecoming festivities (and also do something with the Green Party idk…).

In a recent interview he spoke about “totally narfing down a Four Loko and buttchugging with the boys.”

This 79 year-old shows no signs of slowing down as he claims to be able to drink 20 beer in under an hour, which is honestly pretty impressive because my record is like 18 in a whole night, and things went downhill pretty quickly after number 15.

Suzuki stated that he has no plans on where to sleep but thinks his friend Brett probably has a free spot on his couch and if he doesn’t he’s cool with the floor.

When asked about reason for participating in homecoming this year he was quoted as saying “I don’t know man, I didn’t do a fifth year so this is like, my victory lap. All I know is that I’m getting totally fucked at Hoco this year.”   

Our interview was cut short when we asked Suzuki if he was worried that this would affect his public image. He proceeded to flip off our journalist and walk out with a PBR in each hand muttering about how “these fucking frosh don’t know how to fucking rage.”

It has occurred to us recently, however, that this may not have been David Suzuki, but in fact a recent Mt. A grad who was driving a Suzuki Swift, but we’ll leave that to the reader to discern.

Trill Waves
Trill Waves is a colossal asshole who somehow conned his way into a position on the Argosy staff as Humour editor. We don’t know how he got here or how to get rid of him. Please contact argosy@mta.ca if you have any idea on how to get rid of this pest.