Facilities Management Unveils Cyber-Golf Cart
Bre Darlison/Submitted

Following the unveiling of Elon Musk’s Tesla Cybertruck this past Thursday, Mount Allison’s Facilities Management has presented a futuristic utility vehicle of its own. The Cyber Golf Cart is a state-of-the-art utility golf cart created from the ground up to be as expensive and “avant-garde” as possible. Designed in the same style as the Cybertruck, the Cyber Golf Cart’s angular design draws stylistic cues from cyberpunk science fiction, evoking images of extremely late-stage capitalist corporate dystopian hellscapes.

During the demonstration of the Cyber Golf Cart’s abilities, Dr. Jean-Paul Boudreau attempted to beat the cart in a race across campus. The cart shot away from the start line at a breakneck speed of 15 km/h and reached a top speed of 20 km/h on the hill between Crabtree and Hart Hall. Embarrassingly, the cart lost to Dr. Boudreau as he is one of the fastest men alive.

The cart has drawn controversy from the student population at Mt. A. as it is expected to add approximately $40,000 to annual tuition fees. Many students feel that it is unfair that they should have to pay so much for something that literally no one asked for.

Another cause for concern is the cart’s on-board autopilot.

“How the hell am I supposed to get run over and get free tuition if there’s no chance for me to run in front of a distracted driver?” said one student. “Computers don’t get sleep deprived or bored. I’m really at a loss here.”

However, other students don’t see this as much of an issue. Some even see it as an improvement, because the AI for the autopilot was created as part of a class project for Introduction to Computer Science.

At the announcement event for the Cyber Golf Cart, Facilities Management also stated that they would be acquiring six of Tesla’s Cybertrucks to “keep a uniform aesthetic” and “spend as much money as possible.”

Trill Waves
Trill Waves is a colossal asshole who somehow conned his way into a position on the Argosy staff as Humour editor. We don’t know how he got here or how to get rid of him. Please contact argosy@mta.ca if you have any idea on how to get rid of this pest.