“How do you know that I’m a frosh??” asks first-year student wearing a lanyard around their neck
Madeleine Hansen/Argosy

In an embarrassing turn of events a Mount Allison student has unknowingly revealed their first-year status by wearing a Mt. A lanyard around their neck. The lanyard hanging from their neck carried the weight of their student ID, a fake ID they had purchased online for an absurd amount of money, their debit and credit cards and the keys to their room in residence. The student, Gus Chesterfield, who requested to remain anonymous, was interviewed by me, ace Argosy reporter Trill Waves. The following is a transcript of our interaction.

Waves: (elbowing his way to the front of the line for Club P) Fucking frosh, get out of my way.

Chesterfield: Frosh? What do you mean? How do you know that I’m a frosh?

Waves: (speaking through the clouds of a stolen Juul) Your lanyard, dipshit. No other Mt. A student wears them. Hey, you got any smokes on you? I heard vaping gives you popcorn lung or something.

I guess that was less so an interview and more so a hostile interaction between a washed-up fourth-year and an innocent student, but either way: pretty embarrassing. Shortly afterwards Gus returned to res because his fake ID was printed on the back of a Snack Shop take-out menu. On top of the lanyard, his first-year status was also flagged by the fact that he was STILL wearing an O-Week shirt and was trying to get into the bar with a water bottle full of vodka and Gatorade.

Trill Waves
Trill Waves is a colossal asshole who somehow conned his way into a position on the Argosy staff as Humour editor. We don’t know how he got here or how to get rid of him. Please contact argosy@mta.ca if you have any idea on how to get rid of this pest.