How fucked are you for the PSYCH-1001 midterm?
By Marissa Cruz
By Marissa Cruz

1. Exams got you like…?

a) :S

b) :0

c) :X

d) 8===D ~

2. Your relationship with the professor is…?

a) purely physical.

b) hateful

c) Facebook official.

d) He’s such a cool guy. I heard

he drank a beer with a student last semester!      

3. Your masturbation habits lately?

a) Fast and Furious

b) Un-lotioned twisting, to prolong both studying and climaxing.

c) Ew…buddy. I get too many girls for that!

d) No jerking-off whatsoever to increase testosterone and motivation.

4. Finish this sentence: “The true value of a liberal arts education is…”

a) “measured in how many bottles

of Sailor Jerrys are on the res shelf.”

b) “whatever the university

president tells us.”

c) “the small class sizes!”

d) “simple economics. Supply and

demand, baby!”

5. Describe your typical midterm preparation?

a) Put together a rough shantytown

on the main floor of the library.

b) “I just drank like three

Red Bulls”

c) The prof posts all the slides

online!

d) A crumpled and incomplete set

of cue cards.

6. Which level of your own personal pyramid of Maslow’s Humanistic Theory of Personality are you ignoring to “probably get a B+?”

a) Physiological needs.

b) Safety.

c) Love/belonging.

d) Self-actualization.

7. Ha! Gotcha! That was PSYCH question!

a) Ugh.

b) Fuck you.

c) ^Yeah, what he said.^

d) Will this be on the exam?

Key:

a) = 1 point 7-14 points = Mildly fucked.

b) = 2 points 15-22 points = Like, super fucked.

c) = 3 points 23-30 points = Fucckkkkkkk.

d) = 4 points 30-37 points =  It’s a bird course, bahd.

24-30 = Literally fucked.

Mark Cruz