Trill’s Tips

What’s up, peasants. I have become the humour editor of the Argosy. I am now more god than man. Bow down to me, mortals. I am omnipotent and incredibly powerful. Now, you may be asking, “How did a simple man ascend to this position of unmatched power?” Well, let me tell you with these tips! My first tips of the year!

Tip 1. Start off as a simple man. Live on the street (not physically, but like, in spirit). Drink colt 45s. Wear flannel shirts every day. Wear a corona bucket on your head. Get put on alcohol probation. Get contacted by the humour editor (at the time, shout out Mark Cruz) to make some ~funny absurdist memes~. Make fun of a left wing radical group on campus for doin’ some wack ass shit, like sleeping in tents and screaming about being stepped over. This is how it started. This was year one. It was… ok. Don’t read the Argosy.

Tip 2. Become a regular contributor.

Write a series of tips and climb to the top. The people love the tips. The tips make you a goddamn hero. The tips make you everything. You are nothing without the tips. Tease them with the tips, sometimes there are no tips, sometimes there are many. The tips are a privilege few deserve but many receive. Trick the Argosy editorial staff into thinking you’re semi-reliable. This was your second year. Never read the Argosy.

Tip 3. Con your way into an editorial position. Everyone knows the editorial staff of the Argosy is a bunch of idiots. There is no bigger idiot than yourself, therefore you should be able to slip in just fine. Apply for the position. Your interviewers are indifferent; one takes a phone call during your interview which you Skyped into from your cousin’s wedding in Michigan – glad you’re taking me seriously, Catherine. Ace the interview by lying about your abilities to time manage and organize. Realize you’ve bit off more than you can chew, but commit. Always commit. Continue to not read the Argosy.

Yeah so basically that’s how I got here. Probably best not to follow these. I regret becoming editor and its been like three days. Ask me for tips on things on Facebook, or don’t – I’m indifferent. -xoxo, Trill

Trill Waves
Trill Waves is a colossal asshole who somehow conned his way into a position on the Argosy staff as Humour editor. We don’t know how he got here or how to get rid of him. Please contact argosy@mta.ca if you have any idea on how to get rid of this pest.