Trill’s Tips

Well readers, here we are again. Me, hungover and rushing to meet a deadline, and you, judging me for my poor lifestyle choices. In this installment of Trill’s Tips, I’m going to be answering a question posed to me by a good friend: How do I look cool walking to class here at Mount Allison University? Well, my friends, let me tell you. Ol’ Trill knows a thing or two about looking cool, and I’m going to give you my tips on how to do it.

Tip 1: Your backpack. It’s all or nothing here, either wear the largest bag you can find, one that could carry all of your worldly possessions, OR, no bag at all. You have two arms – just get a pal to pile them up with your textbooks, notebooks, laptop and writing utensils. You’ll be sure to turn some heads doing either of those.

Tip 2: Your clothes. Your outfit can make or break you. Personally, I am a strong believer in no outfit at all, but apparently that’s “illegal” and “public indecency,” but whatever. Anyway, I’m still sticking with an all-or-nothing approach, so you’re gonna have to dress to impress. My favourite ways to do this include: suiting up (shout-out commerce students), suiting up (shout-out mascot fanatics and furries) and suiting up (shout-out zoot suit enthusiasts).

Tip 3: The walk/entrance. This is by far the MOST important piece of the puzzle. There are a lot of different approaches you can take here, and I’m going to list some of my favourites.

The Noise Boy: Blast some tunes as you make a grand entrance. Best accompanied with long, wide strides and a boom box on your shoulder. The music should most definitely be screamo.

The Disturbed Doves: Walk around with a cage of doves. When you enter your class, release said doves like you’re in a goddamn John Woo film.

Run: Run. Run so fast. Just run.

Alright gang, hope you enjoyed these tips and found them useful. As always, you can send your questions to Trilliam Waves on Facebook and I’ll catch you in the next one. Peace.

Trill Waves
Trill Waves is a colossal asshole who somehow conned his way into a position on the Argosy staff as Humour editor. We don’t know how he got here or how to get rid of him. Please contact argosy@mta.ca if you have any idea on how to get rid of this pest.