Trill’s tips

Wuz poppin gang, it’s ya boy Trill, back at it again with tha fresh tips. Sorry about no Trill’s Tips last week – I spent most of last week drunk, hungover and bursting at the seams with turkey, so all I was able to write was illegible scrawlings. Anyway, I’m back and this week I’m answering a question one of my good friends asked me: “How can I get a good night’s sleep?” I realize most of you are self-diagnosed insomniacs, so I figure these tips will be helpful for lots of people. Without further ado, let’s hop into it.

Tip 1: Try closing your eyes. This one probably slipped right by most of you. Ever notice how when you wake up, your eyes have to open? That’s because your brain closes your eyes when you sleep! This stops you from rubbing your eyes up against your pillow, which could cause damage to your precious peepers. A pro-tip for falling asleep is closing your eyes for your brain. It’s one less thing for that wrinkly boy to think about, which means it can focus on getting a good night’s sleep!

Tip 2: Get a friend to help. What else are friends for? There are so many ways they could help out, from hitting you in the head with a lead pipe to chloroforming you, or even suffocating you with a pillow just long enough for you to pass out from lack of oxygen. All of these are great options and true friends will be happy to help you out.

Tip 3: Drink six quarts of sleepy juice (dark rum). You may not have known this, but your friend Trill is a sailor by blood. True mariners have known this trick for ages and I’ve graciously decided to share it with you, so put it to good use. Just put a couple (six) bottles of sleepy juice back and you are 100 per cent ready for a good sleep!

OK guys, hope you all sleep well tonight. I’m going to sign off here – sweet dreams, xoxo, Trill.

Trill Waves
Trill Waves is the Humour Editor and self-alleged Demigod.