Introducing Mt. A’s new nautical degree
Mount Allison University is proud to announce that the money that it had previously invested in fossil fuel companies has been divested and reinvested into its newest venture: a big-ass boat.
That’s right, we’ve decided that Mt. A’s aviation program, the pride and joy of this school, needs a nautical counterpart. You can sign up for a nautical degree program starting in 2022. Courses will include pirate linguistics 2431, leak-plugging 1001, history of planks 3001, periscope engineering 2501 and finally marine biology 3991. Course materials will include Moby Dick to familiarize students with what to do in whale-related predicaments, as well as watching the Pirates of the Caribbean series of films in its entirety.
Unlike other programs, which require pilot courses and extensive deliberated review, we’ve decided to use the “anchors aweigh” technique of throwing caution to the winds and setting sail for a bright future. Prerequisite courses include Red Cross swimming lessons (level 4+) and the ability to tie knots without referring to “bunny ears.” If you’re interested in the new nautical program, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
NOTE: due to the fact that Sackville is relatively landlocked, this program will not involve sailing on actual water. Instead, students will learn sailing techniques in the King Street parking lot (like that episode of Community). However, if students get lucky and the lot happens to flood, they may get hands-on, real-life experience.