YOP

A Conspiracy…

The year is 2007. You’re watching Total Drama Island in the comfort of your parents’ living room. The episode comes to an end, and just as you start reaching for the remote, a familiar song echoes through the screen. They have your attention. You want only one thing. Yop de mama.

Now is when we get to the real issue. In having a casual discussion on the topic of this yogurt beverage, I discovered something. All my life I have pronounced this product to rhyme with “hope,” but I was suddenly met with an angry chorus of people arguing it rhymed with “hop.” Disgusted by what I heard, I did what any reasonable person would do. I reached out to social media and emailed the Yoplait company.

Here is where the conspiracy begins.

On April 16, 2014, Yoplait’s verified Twitter account tweeted “You’d be surprised how many times we get this [question]! It’s ‘Yope’ 🙂 Hope you win the bet!”

Seeing this, I was no longer reliant on a response from the company, since I had seemingly found the answer I was looking for. No.

On Sept. 18, 2018, I received an email from Tina-Louise, the Yoplait consumer relations representative. She said, “The correct way that it is pronounced is like ‘hop.’ I hope this helped clear up any confusion.”

Clearly Tina-Louise thinks this is some kind of fucking joke. This kind of capitalist hypocrisy is the reason our country is falling apart. If companies can rip our language out from beneath our feet, what’s stopping them from stealing our jobs and our children?So now I call on you, fellow students of Mount Allison University, to destroy the Yoplait company. If we act in unison, capitalist pigs like Tina-Louise will rue the day they chose to jeopardize our freedom. So what will it be? Yoplait or democracy?

Olivia Corrigan
Olivia Corrigan is a contributor to the Argosy and self-identified Super-Sleuth.