Dear Mr. Trudeau,
I hear there is a new job opening in Ottawa — even though the position itself may be as fake as fifty percent of the jobs posted on Indeed; I still really really want to be Canada’s new Fentanyl Czar.
Now, you may say I lack experience, but do not piss me off, Jimmy. T! We need a Fentanyl Czar who truly understands the severity of Canada’s drug trafficking problem — and although I am not a Ford, I know how to handle hard drugs.
So, in the spirit of giving, I wish to gift Canada the peace of a secure border. By employing an army of Canada’s best and brightest RCMP rejects, we’ll be able to scour the 49 parallel north for any Americans escaping the tyranny of Elon Musk and swiftly return them to the suburbs of New York State. Returning them to the purgatory of overconsumption at Target.
One thing about me is that I love doing the least I can for the maximum amount of benefit and this job seems perfectly aligned with my aspirations.
I do not care for benefits, nor my wage… I just want enough to buy four apples, which is now ten (10) Liberal™ dollars.
Instead of considering another mediocre white man DEI hire, perhaps you can look toward the future and think of minority groups who are also enamoured with drugs.
Justin, do not fuck up my bag. Pierre is gonna cut my carbon rebate and there is only so much free money I can spend at the government-controlled liquor store. I need a job so bad. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please
Holla back,
Jay-dawg
