Tearing down the Main Street Church wasn’t enough. We have to kill every bird in town.

Several weeks ago, the church on Main Street was demolished to make room for new businesses that will definitely boost economic growth in Sackville’s downtown core. Tearing down the church was a good first step, as it housed a large chunk of the local bird population. I think the next move the Town should make is to kill all birds in Sackville. Now that the birds are displaced, it is easier to get a sense of their numbers. So now we know exactly how many we need to kill to rid the town of these horrible winged rats. Kill them all: ducks, pigeons, hummingbirds, anything with wings, they all need to go. Kill bats, they are just night birds. The swans are already dead, so we have only the non-violent birds left to kill. Come on people, it’s as easy as poisoning your birdfeeder or pouring whatever spare toxic substances you have lying around your house into Waterfowl Park. I will not rest until every bird in town is dead. As animals, they are pretty much useless. I have never met an animal with a coiled penis that I could trust, and birds are no exception. With the church demolished and Bridge Street destroyed, it is time for the town to band together and tackle the one last hurdle standing in our way of our transition into utopia: We must destroy every trace of birds in this town.

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