The ultimate residence battle royale

Round #1: 

(By random draw, I promise.)

Windsor Hall vs. Bennett House

The “party houses.” Both are crazy, wild and unpredictable. However, one has the clear advantage. Sorry Bennett, but Windsor has the manpower that can’t be beat by a small-scale residence.

Bigelow House vs. Thornton House

New versus old, youth versus experience, recently closed versus now closed. They hold the same number of people, but in my book, experience counts, and Thornton comes out on top.

Edwards House vs. Harper Hall

Harper’s big, but Edwards is crafty. Although the Bulldogs may be willing to get their hands dirty (I assume), the Harper… what is it? Bigfoot? Anyway, they have comfort and resources, and resources means a win.

Campbell Hall vs. Hunton House

Campbell, like all Northside residences, has the size factor. Hunton, on the other hand, has the intensely competitive spirit and crazy, manic-like drive that makes other people refuse to even try. So guess who wins here. (Hint: Hunton.)

Round #2:

Windsor Hall vs. Thornton House

By Round #2, Windsor’s nursing a slight hangover and it’s well passed Thornton’s 6 p.m. old-timer bedtime. Although both with their own weaknesses, Windsor’s proves to be more of a hindrance: you can only mobilize a giant army of students for so long before they get bored. In the end, Thornton stays awake and stays in the game.

Harper Hall vs. Hunton House

Hunton has the spirit, Harper has the numbers. But an equally important factor to consider is how the houses are arranged: Hunton is used to sticking close together in small rooms, while the single rooms in Harper suggests a divide. The bond of small residences – and the resentment of the nicer Northside rooms – fuels the fire to lead Hunton to the next round.

Final Round:

Thornton House vs. Hunton House

Imagine the scene: Europe’s “The Final Countdown” plays as the two contenders enter the ring. Both are Southside residences, making for a finale no one expected. Northsiders, having licked their wounds and penned their angry letters to whoever was in charge of this stupid showdown, now begin to pick their favourites. On the side, the off-campus crowd tells anyone who listens that, had they been in the competition, they would have won. (They do have the complete package: age, experience, the ability to live off of canned food, youth, numbers… but I digress.)

And thus starts The Showdown. The Sex Panthers have the drive, but the match is over almost as soon as it began as the Stallions play their trump card: no one actually lives there. While some may see this as quite a large impediment, think about it: you can’t fight what you can’t see. It doesn’t matter how well organized you are, fighting the invisible is some serious Ghostbusters shit that Hunton just doesn’t have the professional training for. In the following confusion, and amid the cheers of campus combined, one residence, the underdog, emerges victorious: Thornton House.

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