It’s me.
By BigFoot
Good morning Wildcats! You’re probably thinking, isn’t Troy Bolton just a character? A mere figment of our Disney channel charged imagination? Wrong. Cancel that Disney+ subscription, we have Troy Bolton at home. In the heart of Mt.St.A, Troy lives amongst us, in the shape of a briefly retired, tentative entering, and ankle spraining icon known by her ever-growing fanbase as BigFoot Bolton.
My day begins, as all elite performers’ do, at the highly treasured Ballsackville Golf Course. There, at approximately 6:12 a.m., I deliver a completely accurate, emotionally devastating, and vocally flawless performance of “Bet on it.” Once electrified and spiritually aligned, I head to campus, plagued once again by my one true internal conflict:
How will I ever choose between sports and drama?
It is a burden very few understand.
To clear my head, I hit the gym, better known as my second stage. Surrounded by witnesses, I bench press exactly 55 and a half pounds while delivering another flawless performance of “Get your Head in the Game.” At one point, after scoring ten million sporting points, I make direct eye contact with my reflection and remind myself to make my dad proud.
But the grind doesn’t stop there. It’s time to head to that MF’in theatre, where I attend the build call to paint a tree for our season’s production of The Juliet Project. Then, I shyly check Sign Up Genius for any new auditions that I can crash.
Never fear Wildcats, if you see me on campus do not be intimidated. I am happy to sign autographs. I am enjoying my slow rise to fame before my featured role in High School Musical 4, where Troy and I will dap each other up and nod in appreciation of our generational talents.
It’s not easy being an athletic phenomenon and musical sensation, but days like these make it all worth it.