By: Ceeah Queere
Every arts student dreads the day that their school joins the ranks of those who lack funding for arts education. Unfortunately, Mt. St. A. has now become one of them. However, never fear! The University’s Not-So Fancy Theatre is here and has announced their latest fundraiser: Catwalk Bungee Jumping.
Have you ever wanted to go bungee jumping, but thought that living in Ballsackville has made it impossible? Well, Mt. St. A.’s beloved Drama Department has heard your pleas! For a meager $6.66, you can go up to the catwalk above the theatre, get strapped in with resistance bands — since no one can afford real bungee equipment — and dive off! The thrilling jump lasts a matter of seconds as you hurl yourself to the floor and hope the resistance bands hold. There is nothing to fear, as I, dedicated reporter Ceeah Queere have tested this event. I am legally obligated to mention that after which I sustained a broken ankle and significant bruises, but gained an adrenaline addiction! What a rush! I think the gains outweigh the losses. Plus, who needs ankles anyway?
Please remember to sign the waiver at the door that relinquishes your right to sue if this event results in serious injury, trauma, or death. The Mt. St. A. Drama Department claims no responsibility for your own personal recklessness when attending this event.
So come one, come all! Support the arts and learn what budget bungee jumping feels like. The rush is sure to make you feel alive — and hopefully keep you that way!
