By Gene Parmesan
Does using an Adobe-related application solicit an emotional response? Do you dread logging into the cloud each day? Have you ever had the hope and frolic flee from your body as soon as your .indd file loads in? Does the current political and economic state of the world make pursuing the humanities feel woeful and meaningless?
Fear not. These emotional responses are meant to encourage you to explore the newest technology sweeping the streets of Ballsackville — severance.
Recently, the new technology was tried among those who often cannot experience joy at work due to their unbalanced tempers — student journalists at Mt. St. A. Although the scientists behind the procedure were concerned about a lack of participation; they failed to account for the misery by virtue of doing journalism.
By severing their personal campus lives from their journalistic lives, The Anarchy has been able to reduce the amount of time needed for production by 50 per cent. Thus allowing new TikToks to be posted by the workers almost daily, while the ‘innies’ grind still away, producing valuable outputs for the Ballsackville community. One servered Editor recalled seeing their ‘innie’ in a promotional TikTok: “Girl, I don’t know what the fuck I was saying — But I was serving for sure.”
Through the new severance procedure, the Editors no longer have to suffer from the work that is mysterious and important, Adobe InDesign — reducing mental illness drastically among staff. However, the Opinions department has been shut down as a result.
Further, the severance procedure is planned to be implemented campus-wide, allowing all students to have a reason to not remember why they did not read the latest Anarchy.
Please enjoy all Anarchy articles equally.
