List of Rejected Hallmark Valentine’s Card Slogans

1) I pulled out all of my teeth so I can tongue kiss you     better.

2) Are you The Matrix because when I look at you I want to wear a fine leather coat.

3) Roses are red, violets are blue, please everyone donate to my kickstarter, to buy myself some new teeth I can’t chew.

4) You make my heart palpitate so much I cough up blood

5) What’s the deal with makin’ whoopee?

6) You remind me of my dad because I want to kiss your neck a bunch in a non-sexual way and then try to explain it to strangers that don’t understand.

7) Let’s make stank ass love

by Kael MacQuarrie

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