If you are like me – an off-campus student who has no money, no culinary skills, and can barely keep up with readings due to Netflix – the struggle of finding an acceptable meal is very real. Let’s face it: nutrition isn’t a priority here; priorities are how quickly I can shove it in my face, with the least effort necessary. So let this article be a guide to help [you?] locate the staples of a functional (loose-term) university diet in your local Save Easy or Co-op.

I like pizza; who doesn’t? But I also need money for liquor and books, and the balance of money and pizza supplies are always at odds. But look no further than the frozen hallows of Save-Easy to find President’s Choice Thin & Crispy Pepperoni Pizza. Yes, as boring as it sounds, it fits the budget at $2.99.

The first thing I noticed upon opening the pizza packaging is how small it is. It is a single serving for a university student with a large appetite for pizza. Actually, scratch that, more like a 1/3 serving considering that on a Friday night at A1’s (Goya’s? whatever), a large pizza barely satisfies. Directions were simple: pop it in the oven and don’t fall asleep.

The first bite tasted of pepperoni, with the essence of bland cheese and tomato sauce on top of a crisp piece of cardboard. It actually made me question the whole idea of “all pizza is good pizza.” However, my hunger could not be resolved so I ate the whole thing in five minutes. As I write this, there is an internal war between my stomach and this pepperoni-flavoured cardboard. This is a shameless meal; this is a desperate and low place to be, so if you lost your shame already at the Pond or at Larry’s, go ahead.

Taste: 1 star. 

Cost: 5 stars. 

Overall Experience: -4 stars. 

Potential Hospital Visit: 6 hours. 

Still better than meal hall pizza: Yes.

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