What up. Trill Waves here, welcoming you back to the Sack. If you’re new here, you’ve probably noticed that this is not the same as living at home. To help you out, I’ve made some super helpful tips that could end up improving your life:

TIP 1: Drink lots of fluids. Contrary to popular belief, water is not the only thing that can hydrate you, so just pound whatever you’ve got on hand into you if you get thirsty. Boom. Problem solved and now you’re a bit buzzed. A true win-win.

TIP 2: ALWAYS address your profs by their first names! They absolutely love having their authority undermined by the “cool, yet intelligent” student who is basically related to them after their first lecture’s “about me” slide. There is one exception, of course, to this rule: Brad [Middlename Redacted] Simkulet absolutely HATES being called anything but: Sir, Professor, Dr. Simkulet. Never call him by his first name (Brad) EVER!

TIP 3: Take any and all opportunities to remove articles of clothing. The only reason I’ve ever played water/beer pong is to lose and have to do a naked mile. Tragically, my innate, exceptional, ability to absolutely CRUSH any drinking game means that I have never lost, even when I try to. But yeah, ditch the clothes, they’re for nerds

I hope you learned a lot from these tips. This has been an introduction to Trill’s Tips. In future, I will be answering YOUR questions! That’s right, the man himself, THE Trill Waves, is going to listen to you and give you guidance in life. I can do it all: relationships, academics, work, you name it. If you have a problem, I have something to say about it that could make it go away. Please send any questions or queries to Nissan Micra on Facebook and I hope you have a good week

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