I’ve never consumed so much vitamin D in my life
Time is a strange thing, isn’t it? We live our life to appease the clock. Do not be late to work or you’ll need to deal with your irritated employer, but do show up late to the house party, it’s embarrassing to be too eager and show up early. We eat according to the hour, shift our natural sleep cycle to appease society’s 9a.m. start time, and meticulously plan our days to allow for a perfectly optimized schedule.
So why, on God’s green Earth, DO WE RANDOMLY DECIDE TO JUST SHIFT EVERYTHING BACKWARDS OR FORWARDS BY ONE HOUR.
And I know, I know that it has something to do with farmers and the way that they plant food or whatever, but surely it’s not worth it to do this at the cost of everybody else’s general happiness.
Regardless, we live in this rotting shell of a capitalist society and must conform to its time structures, so here are some of my most effective methods of pushing back the S.A.D. horrors:
- Engage in hookup culture
- What better way to feel long-term satisfaction than to engage in a series of short-term intimate relationships? Personally, I think you should hit up whoever you were thinking of when you read the title of this method.
- Take up smoking
- I think that if the weather is going to get colder, and if the ground is going to get snowier, you may as well start smoking and gain some aura. It doesn’t even need to be cigarettes, you could spark up a blunt for all I care, as long as it looks cool I think it applies here.
- Take some Vitamin D
- No jokes here I just genuinely think this is a good idea, that stuff is a godsend.
- Start up a new hobby (evil)
- You know how in the summer you’ll try to engage with hobbies that better your health? Like hiking or other outdoor activities? Well that means in the winter you can engage with hobbies that have severe repercussions on your health. Eating like garbage, doomscrolling for eight hours, and skipping classes to rot in bed are all acceptable hobbies for these dark times.
- Travel somewhere else where they do not have daylight savings
- You could pretty much go anywhere that isn’t North America and you’d suddenly find that time is normal and consistent and you won’t feel that creeping sense of dread from November to March.
- Reject the premise of society’s time and do your own thing
- You have free will man, go off into the woods, build your own place, plant your own food and start trading sheep for materials with everyone else who thought this was a good idea. I guess trading the actual materials would probably get to be a little tedious, so maybe it’d be worth it to make little paper representations of value instead, maybe based on a rare material or something. Though once your society grows enough and forms a government that strictly regulates the farming industry, the farmers will probably complain that the quotas you’ve set for them are only realistic during certain times of the year when we have more sun, so maybe it would be worth it to adjust how we classify time to allow farmers a more optimized schedule and… oh fuck I see how this happened now.
- Drop out of school
- This one may be an extreme option, but one time I dropped out of college shortly after daylight savings and it was life changing. Life changing in the sense that I no longer had a solid vision of what my future looked like and I needed to quickly establish a new plan, but now I’m an editor here so like, could have turned out worse you know?