Authorities are saying that the incident might not have been accidental…
On Thursday, Feb.19, local Sackville man, Alan Lourde was reported missing by his wife. Concerned for his safety, she calls the police, claiming: “Alan hasn’t been home in days, I don’t know where he could be, this isn’t like him”. The next day, on Friday, Feb.20, the police tracked his last known location to be in the Lansdowne parking lot. They swept the area and found the phone they were tracking next to one of the 129 potholes in the lot. This pothole was different though; it had become… bottomless. The area has been cordoned off ever since.
Local police have gone on record saying “We cannot confirm or deny if the disappearance was an abduction from subterranean beings, or if he decided to jump into the hole himself”. After being asked if this could be related to the Mt.Astudent claimed by the Sackville wind in November, the officer reminded the press that they were not allowed to remain in the unpaved parking lot unless they had paid the $260 eight-month parking fee ($260 for eight months! What a deal!).
Last night, I decided enough was enough and that if anyone was going to get to the bottom of this story, it was going to be me. I paid the $390 (ONLY THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY DOLLAR!) eight-month overnight parking fee and drove into the lot that evening. On the way in, I immediately blew a tire going over a pothole that was only marginally smaller than the bottomless pit I was there to investigate.
Abandoning my vehicle, I approached the pit. As I grew closer I heard a strange voice call to me from the bowels of the Earth, it sounded like every voice I have ever and will ever know. It knew my name, it knew my life, it knew everything about me; I could tell just by hearing it that things were different now, and that they would never go back to the way they were before. I crept toward the pit, trying to understand the indistinct murmuring emanating from the dark hole in the planet.
“In March 2026, full parking permit compliance begins, paid parking permits will be required in all University parking lots”.
The voice triggered a response in me that I didn’t know my body was capable of creating, primal words deeply engrained in my psyche bypassed my conscious mind and erupted from my mouth
“Can I get a refund on my parking pass if I don’t use it?”.
I withdrew from the pit, horrified. The voice I spoke with was not my own. I scrambled back towards my car and heard the voice call to me again
“Parking passes are non-refundable. Please choose the parking pass that best suits your needs. If you are uncertain about requir-”
I slammed the car door shut behind me and drove my car home on two tires (I blew another one on the way out).
This brings us to today. I am writing this account of events after a night of restless sleep and a morning of concerning memories. Why would I have ever parked on the street for free when I could have paid the University over $250 for the privilege to park in an unpaved and unfinished parking lot?
I saw on the news that they found Alan alive and well just hours ago, his wife called the police and explained that she found him in the kitchen, hunched over his laptop, buying his Mt.A parking pass. He works for a company in Amherst but his wife claims that he needs the parking pass “just in case”. Federal police claim the town experienced an episode of mass hysteria, and that there was never a bottomless pit in the Lansdowne parking lot. Maybe they’re right, all I know is that in only a few days full parking permit compliance will begin at Mount Allison, and paid parking permits will be required in all university parking lots! Better get your parking passes soon! It’s only $40 for a monthly parking permit, so you only need to spend $80 (~31 percent of an eight month pass!) on parking for the remaining month and a half of this term!
Don’t do the math on that, it’s probably fine — just pay the fee 🙂