Best:
1. In the bushes on the curve on Main Street right after Cranewood if you’re walking towards the Purdy Crawford from Ducky’s.
There are benches, it’s not too dark, and there are garbage cans around if you so desire. You’re also down at the bottom of the hill so it’s kind of sheltered because people are only really looking down if they want to throw up down there themselves.
2. Crabtree M14.
It can hold up to 200 people, you already know where it is, and surely someone will clean it up before the morning. The only obstacle to this near-pristine spot is getting into the building after it locks. Disclaimer: I am not encouraging you to enter Crabtree outside of specified hours.
3. Alumni field.
There is something about vomiting in the middle of a large open space surrounded by blinding white lights that makes you feel like you died, in a peaceful way almost. Like a fish in an eight-year-old’s fish tank after being shaken WAY too much.
4. Jennings (only if you don’t live in residence).
There is something freeing about knowing that you will never see these people again and that there will surely be no consequences for your actions.
5. The exact centre of campus.
Get out your measuring tapes and protractors, this journey is not for the faint of heart but by God, the cleanse your soul goes through is incomparable. You will finish this journey a totally new person, one with a significantly lower blood-alcohol percentage.
Worst:
1. The aqua lab.
The fish just look at you weirdly the whole time, it is so uncomfortable. They think they are so much better than me just cause I’M the one throwing up in THEIR lab on a Tuesday night. Well guess what fish, Tuesday is my poker night and I can do that because I have SO many friends and you have NONE because you’re a stupid goddamn fish and I hate you SO much. Next time I am gonna throw up IN your tank and there is NOTHING you can do to stop me.
2. The tunnels running under campus.
Can you imagine puking your guts out in these dark and creepy tunnels and all of a sudden a fucking rat just runs by? That shit sounds horrible man, I already feel like I am gonna die from the ghosts down here now I gotta deal with rats too? It’s just too much.
3. Your ex’s dorm room.
Listen, you already made one drunken mistake, take my advice and try not to make another.
4. Jennings (if you DO live in residence).
Oh my god everyone is staring at you right now and they probably think you’re super weird. Try not to do this one again cause nobody wants to sit with you anymore…
5. R.P. Bell Library.
No matter what time of day you are there, someone else will be studying for their second midterm and you will RUIN their day. It’s not because they hate you, it’s because a small part of them wants to be you.
