Things to do during that one class

From my ADHD-riddled mind to yours

Picture this, you’re in James Dunn 106 in your fourth year, taking a first-year course for the distribution credit. The fluorescent lights are buzzing at just the right frequency to drive you insane, the air smells just enough like sweat that you want to vomit, and your hangover is so bad that you think you might. The professor may as well be speaking another language because you are NOT paying attention. This is the reality of being in university, we all have that one class that we just cannot stand. Luckily for you, during my time at several post-secondary institutions, I have developed some near-perfect methods for surviving these classes.

Michaela Cabot – Argosy Illustrator

Method #1: Relentlessly bounce your leg until the entire row of desks starts to shake.

While this method may seem counterproductive, it’s a matter of how much you value your own sanity over everyone else’s. A concept in physics known as the law of equivalent exchange states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, just like how you shaking your leg will shake their desks, their sanity going down will mean that yours goes up.

Method #2: Sharpen your pencil to a nub as fast as you can.

This one can get messy but it is a surefire way to keep your restless hands occupied. Start the class with a package of 10 (unsharpened) no. 2 pencils, and work your way through the entire pack until the nub is no longer than five centimetres from the end of the eraser to the tip of the graphite. It’s a seriously competitive game (look up pencil sharpening world record), and who knows, maybe you could become the new world record holder.

Method #3: Learn Morse code with a friend in the same class and send messages back and forth.

This one is a classic, all it takes is several months of intense practice and dedication to the craft. This also has the added benefit that if one day you get sent back in time to World War I, you’ll be able to have a job as a Morse code operator or something.

Method #4: Pay attention and take notes.

Sometimes I think about the fact that I pay $1000 per class per term and that by the end of my degree, I’ll have paid at least $40,000 for classes alone. This realization haunts me so much that sometimes I will actually just shut up and lock in to whatever is happening in class. Why am I here if not to learn?

Method #5: Slowly but surely rotate your chair until you are facing completely sideways. 

Gradually throughout the lecture, move your chair a couple degrees to the right. Then a couple more. Eventually, if it’s a long enough class, you can be staring directly at your neighbour (ideally they are your friend and will not think you’re a creep). There is an unfortunately high risk/reward for this though. If your professor notices and calls you out for it, it’s probably best to never attend that class ever again.



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