Ignoring the important stuff
As the season of gratitude descends upon us once more, I find myself pausing between midterms, existential crises, and poorly timed grad photo group chats, to reflect on all I am thankful for. I realize in these moments that while it may be true that I wish to be hit by a bus every now and then, there are still things that make life worth living. I have compiled some of those things below for you to read, maybe you need something to be thankful for yourself, or maybe you just like pointing and laughing at the things I enjoy in life. Either way, I hope you enjoy it.
- My dumbass stupid idiot cat Juno
I know this one probably is a little obvious and it feels like a cop out to include her in this list, but just look at her. She’s SO stupid, but if I don’t take care of her who will, and I’m forever grateful for that opportunity.
2. Alcohol and also recreational drugs
I truly believe that the world would be a better place if we were to magically remove all alcoholic beverages and recreational drugs from the planet, there would be less driving under the influence, less addiction, and less brain damage observed in all societies. However, this is not possible and I loooooooooooove getting a little shittered with my friends oh my god. Without alcohol, how else would I fall asleep in the bushes at Waterfowl? Without edibles, how else would I watch four hours of people exploring caves on Youtube? The world is probably worse off because of it, but I am still grateful for the existence of substances.
3.That I live less than a 5 minute walk away from the McDonald’s and Burger King
See the section in point 2 about edibles.
4.The new sheets and pillows I got over reading week
I went to Costco and bought new ones. The pillows were on sale 🙂
5.Solar power, just as a concept
I think the notion that we can pull light from the sun and turn it into electricity is something that we all just look over as a society. I know we are collectively working to figure out more efficient solar power and that people don’t want to buy solar panels for their house until then blah blah blah, I don’t caRE DUDE WE CAN POWER A TELEVISION WITH THE SUN THAT’S FUCKING CRAZY ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TALKING ABOUT OIL STILL? Somebody showed the oil people “yeah we can actually just make power from air now cause we’re running out of the dead dinosaurs buried under us” and they were all “yeah lets just incite wars so I can keep using the dead dinosaurs buried under their land instead”. I am not grateful for those people, they suck.
6.That I can say whatever I want in a newspaper
I think it is very cool that I have a platform to express myself and my sense of humour, and that people read it and enjoy it, but sometimes I think about how while my digital footprint may be relatively clean, my print footprint is quite bad. I just said like 200 words up that I love excessive drinking and doing recreational drugs while I watch Youtube documentaries man. If this shit comes back to me I might be cooked. If any potential employer reads this, this is like 50 percent satire, take the good parts and leave the bad.