What your Halloween costume will be based on your zodiac sign

Whatever yours is, there can be a slutty version of it too

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Minion (group costume)

I think that if you are gonna do this you’ve got to fully commit and meet up with all the other groups of minions that will inevitably also be in the bar and try to steal something large and expensive.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): A side character from an anime NOBODY has seen

No man I’m sure everyone will love your costume once you explain the several episodes worth of material needed to understand it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Arthur the Aardvark

I mean, I personally think this is a great costume, it’s simple yet recognizable, it’s fashionable yet easy to wear and most of all, IT’S A GOOD COSTUME GUYS I LOOKED SO GOOD AND HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO JUST RECOGNIZE WHO IT IS OFF THE BAT LIKE FUCK OFF I’M NOT GONNA SHOW YOU A PICTURE YOU SHOULD JUST KNOW.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): A broke university student

This is a classic. If you are too busy to think of a costume but somehow not too busy to get plastered on Halloweekend, this one’s for you. This costume can even be profitable if you bring a hat for others to put change (or drinks) in.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Your least favourite professor

Maybe it’s a class you just don’t like, maybe they failed a paper you really tried on, or maybe you just don’t like their vibe. Regardless of why you don’t like them, there is nothing as cathartic as dressing up in their weird professor style and besmirching their name with your awful dance moves on a night out.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Julius Caesar 

So my sources tell me that, as it turns out, people might confuse you for Jesus Christ. Which apparently is not the same guy, like at all, didn’t even live during the same time. A fun fact about Julius Caesar though, while the theory is largely ignored in academic circles, some historians think that the historical Jesus Christ was actually a mythical representation of Julius Caesar.

Libra (September 23 – October 23): A bartender 

If you play your cards right here you could absolutely end up behind the bar serving yourself some free drinks. You could even start pouring drinks for others, taking their money and tips, then you could ask the bar to pay you because you just did a night of work for them, then maybe they will ask you to do it again. Now you have a job, would you look at that.

Scorpio (October 24 – November 21): Jesus Christ 

The man himself, the big C. Another classic costume, the only rule for this one though is that you gotta turn all the water you would have drank into wine. 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): A banana

Just be sure to stay away from the Minions…

Candycorn (December 22 – January 19): A priest 

This is great if you’re a real social butterfly, you can take communion all night, and have people tell you gossip under the guise of confession. You can deliver fiery sermons in the pit and absolve everyone of their sins. Although, you’ll probably catch on fire if you ever enter a church again, so keep that in mind.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): A vampire 

If you wear this costume please don’t wear it out. Vampires are scary. I don’t like them at all, thank you.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): A fish

I just think this one is funny, like imagine you’re shit-faced at the bar and then this hyper-realistic-looking fish comes up to you? That’s hilarious man like holy shit.

Kaya Panthier – Argosy Illustration Editor



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