The zombie apocalypse is upon us. Don’t believe me? Just go to the library and look around. Right now, campus is like a Christmas tree, but with half of the lights are burnt out. Let’s face it, Mounties: you’re exhausted, you’ve written too many papers this semester, your projects are piling up and you’re feeling 110 per cent unprepared for upcoming exams. Sleep is an old friend you once visited back in February, and your mental capacity was depleted three weeks ago. Now here you are, chugging along like the educational train you are forced to be. But if you remain on track and focus, you just may be able to make it through the year without your grades derailing themselves.

“I’m going to plan out everything this semester!” said you from January. It’s amazing how “past you” can predict “future you” so well, but doesn’t take into account how lazy “present you” can be.  Planning is one of the easiest steps you can take to ensure a smoother transition into exam season. Studies show that actually giving yourself enough time to write an essay is surprisingly effective. Despite the full confidence I place in every one of you (I don’t really), the day-to-day approach has been screwing you over for two months. So stick to a plan, there’s a reason you made one in the first place. Just make sure you schedule in an HP marathon.

Sleep. That reason your eyes feel fuzzy right now? Probably because you haven’t slept in a fortnight (however long that it).  And I mean sleep, real sleep, not dozing off through your 8:30 class. Feel like you are going to pass out on the couch? Do it. Can’t quite finish reading this article? Hit the bed. There’s a reason you’ve never seen a dog chug a Monster and try to study astrophysics all night. That’s because it’s psychotic. On the other hand, no one has ever been called psychotic for studying responsibly and going to bed. Sleep is a greedy friend you’ve been hanging out with since you were born, and it’s too late to turn your back on him now. So give in to the peer pressure and close your eyes.

Finally, there is one remaining piece to the puzzle: studying. You can keep watching Netflix, I’m sure your prof will question you on the first three seasons of The Walking Dead. Or you can study…also known as “reading a textbook”. Studying is by far the worst thing that has happened to education. It is both an exhausting and excruciating process. Shockingly though, studying has shown a very high correlation with remembering the stuff you learned throughout the year. I mean, you spend 15 hours a week taking notes anyway, so the least you could do is look over them.

So as the semester is approaching its climax, it is important that you remain optimistic. The study pain will heal, the exam grind is brief, but the GPA glory will last forever. Keep focused and you will remain victorious. Stay golden Mounties, stay golden…the end is near.

February has now arrived at Mount Allison.  We find ourselves heading into a time when many students start to feel down and depressed…and believe me, I can relate. This is because, of course, it’s the time of year when we have to plan those dreadful spring break vacations. Just the thought of a warm beach with a turquoise blue ocean and a cold drink in my hand is enough to make me shiver with dread. There is nothing worse than being dragged away from our beautiful campus in its prime season! Now some of you may be thinking that I’m crazy, but I’m here to prove that the winter semester has more benefits than you previously thought.

Let us begin with the superb, lovely Sackville temperatures, ranging anywhere from -10°C to hell freezing over. Sackville’s winter landscape is one of the only places that lets you experience the life of a polar bear in Antarctica without actually going there, and without all the swimming. These extreme cold temperatures are so useful that it’s only a matter of time before NASA approaches us to use our campus for cryonic experiments. On top of this, prolonged exposure to this weather helps develop crucial life skills like gathering hope when there is none and pushing your motivation to its utmost limit. Think of all the blankets you’ll get to buy! Just the thought of it warms my heart.

Another captivating aspect about our winter is the swift Sackville wind, a true tourist favourite. Just when the temperatures are starting to get a little too warm, Sackville treats its students with frequent category one hurricanes. And if you’re lucky enough to be walking in the right direction, you might just shed a few seconds off that morning walk. However, it doesn’t stop there either! These good guy, gale force winds will save you the trouble of layering up, as it will cut through literally anything you’re wearing, proving your efforts to be pointless. If these facts don’t blow your mind, then I don’t know what will!

Don’t forget about the best part of the semester: snowstorms. Surely by now you’re asking yourself, what could possibly be better than walking to class in -35°C with raging winds? Well, how about walking in -35°C with raging winds while simultaneously shoveling the very path you walk on. This is a simple but effective way to get you to class and get in that early-morning, full body workout you’ve been longing to achieve. Jumping over snow banks, falling on ice (a personal favourite) and so much more. Mother nature will test every one of your physical capabilities this February. The town of Sackville supports this idea so much that they do us all a favour and don’t salt the roads! They know the impact of what a strong winter season can do for a student, and for that, I thank them.

So, for all the students who are suffering from the “Winter Blues,” I’m here to remind you that the winter semester is really much better than you think. While you’re planning out those awful vacations, just remember that all the fun you could possibly need is waiting for you just outside your door…assuming that you can get it open!

Well, folks, it’s that time of year again. The sun is shining brightly, a new semester approaches, and Sackville is cold as hell. Now that the ups and downs (and Fall exams) of 2014 are gone, it’s time to greet 2015 with a smile and make this year an even greater journey than the last! And what better way to prepare yourself than with some good, old-fashioned New Year’s resolutions? Perhaps you’re fairly new to making resolutions, or are having trouble getting motivated this year, but fear not! This guide has all of your resolution needs, preparing you for yet another year. But enough preamble. Here are the top 10 resolutions every Mount Allison student should strive to achieve this year:

1. Hit the gym: Also known as “Resolution 101,” for no list can be complete without this classic. Now is the time to plan for those six-pack abs you have always dreamed of but still don’t have. And luckily for you, the Mt. A fees include a gym membership, depriving you of all excuses to back out. The key component to completing this resolution is to try really hard for the first month, allowing your efforts to slowly fade over time.

2. Eat healthier: Though often in the same category as working out, healthy eating is its own adventure because, well, healthy food sucks. There is no way a salad will ever taste better than pizza. And with the plethora of pizza specials in this town, avoiding a slice is almost an impossibility. You know what? Just forget this one and go eat some pizza.

3. Bump up your grades: If you’re coming off some serious exam guilt, then this resolution will be near the top of your list this year. This one is easy to accomplish, but timely. And that’s because the solution, unfortunately, is more reading. While exhausting at times, reading is a sure-fire way to send your GPA soaring into the A-mosphere.

4. Party less Be honest.

5. Do something you have never done: This does not mean you have to go skydiving or climb Mount Everest. Remember, smaller goals are much easier to achieve. Try something like going to an 8:30 class or getting an exotic beer at Ducky’s.

6.  Watch less Netflix: unless you’re watching Sherlock, in which case… carry on, my dear Watson.

7. Clean your dorm room/apartment: Nobody is perfect, but this is one thing that should not have to be on a New Year’s resolutions list, yet here it is. You know what you need to do.

8. Attend an indie/underground concert: If there is one place in Canada that is made for exotic and strange musical experiences, it’s Sackville. Just do it.

9. [This space is reserved for any personal resolution that is 100 per cent guaranteed to not be fulfilled.]

10. Write an article for The Argosy: Why leave all the hard work for me?

We’ve all been there before: Thursday afternoon class, a professor is talking about how if you analyze that passage from just one more perspective it will suddenly change how you see the world… and while you keep telling yourself, It’s only five more minutes–you can do this, you realize that it’s not five minutes, but thirty-five. (How?!? I could have sworn the clock said 3:45 but it’s only TEN AFT–)

Let’s face it: while we all have the best intentions, sometimes you just can’t fight off the ringing in your head, calling you to grab your phone and tweet to the world about how irritating Shakespeare is. Not to mention how important it is to see how many likes you’ve gotten on that selfie, because clearly it’s your best one yet. And after all, how important can ancient history be compared to how funny that 9gag post is!? (Seriously–it’s a kitten playing piano! I mean seriously!) Before you know it, class will be over.

The only question you will find yourself asking is why you ever bothered looking up in that lecture at all! Besides, the only ‘looking up’ you’re going to need to do is on Google later (essay research = done!). What use, then, could a professor’s experience even be worth compared to the vast amount of people contributing to the web? I mean, they went to school for only like, what, 10 more years than us anyway, so they can’t be that qualified. This Wikipedia editor by the name of ‘Hugh Jass’ seems qualified enough to give me my information.

And so what if cell phones are distracting to those around you? There could be a very good explanation for why you’ve been staring passionately at your crotch for the past ten minutes… but I’m not going to touch that one. And if some people have the nerve to speak out because I’m distracting people’s learning experience then shame on them! I mean, they’re only paying what, $750 a class? The slight smirk you have on your face is PRICELESS, and nothing could ever match its worth, regardless of how good their education might be.

So really, what’s the big deal? Engaging in the classroom sounds exhausting, and all this knowledge you’re taking in is so tiresome. And okay, you felt pretty bad after bombing that quiz and MAYBE it would have gone better if you had tuned in a little more… but hey, it’s not like you’re defining your future here, right?

What has now become a popular university and worldwide trend, Movember is an annual awareness campaign in which guys are encouraged to grow out their lip-fuzz for the entire month of November in order to create conversation and awareness about men’s prostate and testicular cancers, as well as various mental health issues. Movember has been growing steadily from year to year within the Mount Allison community.

This year though, Movember is going to take a surprising turn, as the female Mounties are aiming to dominate the campaign. According to one student on campus, “The female community here at Mount Allison have been waiting for years now to prove that we can grow not only better moustaches than the men here, but also raise more money for the cause.”

The fundraising part, figures to be easy, she says, as most men forget to donate: “Well the guys are usually so focused on getting their ‘stache as greasy as it can get that they don’t even remember to donate, so really it shouldn’t be that hard.”

When asked about how they plan on growing better moustaches than the men on campus, one female student admitted that “women have always been able to grow them out, but we’ve been holding back to make the guys feel better. But now that they’ve had their run we’ve decided that it was time to join in on the fun.”

The female student body is looking to end the stereotype that moustaches are reserved for men. “We have every right to grow them out as the guys do,” the student said. They plan on supporting their own groups through this awareness movement. Some of those include the “Shave the Whales” campaign and the “No mo’ Mo bros” society.

The women will, however, still have some competition from the men. When asked for comment, one male student said, “It’s really not in how you grow the moustache, but how you wear it. The women will never be able to come off as a “sir” as the bros can.”

Another added that “Guys were the innovators of the greasy ‘stache, and so we do it best”. The men will continue to support the traditional causes associated with Movember.

With the women joining the growing race, the men of Mt. A have had to get creative. Because of this,  there will be some new featured moustache styles this year on campus. Two of the new and innovative  growing styles on campus include ‘The Swan,’ where one side of the moustache is lifted into a handlebar, and also ‘The Strike’, for those who wish to stop growing it out before the end of the month. More will be featured throughout the month. This year’s Movember is looking to be the biggest – and most competitive – that Mt.A has ever seen.