We’ve all been there before: Thursday afternoon class, a professor is talking about how if you analyze that passage from just one more perspective it will suddenly change how you see the world… and while you keep telling yourself, It’s only five more minutes–you can do this, you realize that it’s not five minutes, but thirty-five. (How?!? I could have sworn the clock said 3:45 but it’s only TEN AFT–)

Let’s face it: while we all have the best intentions, sometimes you just can’t fight off the ringing in your head, calling you to grab your phone and tweet to the world about how irritating Shakespeare is. Not to mention how important it is to see how many likes you’ve gotten on that selfie, because clearly it’s your best one yet. And after all, how important can ancient history be compared to how funny that 9gag post is!? (Seriously–it’s a kitten playing piano! I mean seriously!) Before you know it, class will be over.

The only question you will find yourself asking is why you ever bothered looking up in that lecture at all! Besides, the only ‘looking up’ you’re going to need to do is on Google later (essay research = done!). What use, then, could a professor’s experience even be worth compared to the vast amount of people contributing to the web? I mean, they went to school for only like, what, 10 more years than us anyway, so they can’t be that qualified. This Wikipedia editor by the name of ‘Hugh Jass’ seems qualified enough to give me my information.

And so what if cell phones are distracting to those around you? There could be a very good explanation for why you’ve been staring passionately at your crotch for the past ten minutes… but I’m not going to touch that one. And if some people have the nerve to speak out because I’m distracting people’s learning experience then shame on them! I mean, they’re only paying what, $750 a class? The slight smirk you have on your face is PRICELESS, and nothing could ever match its worth, regardless of how good their education might be.

So really, what’s the big deal? Engaging in the classroom sounds exhausting, and all this knowledge you’re taking in is so tiresome. And okay, you felt pretty bad after bombing that quiz and MAYBE it would have gone better if you had tuned in a little more… but hey, it’s not like you’re defining your future here, right?

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