The not-so-secret guide to making it to exams

The zombie apocalypse is upon us. Don’t believe me? Just go to the library and look around. Right now, campus is like a Christmas tree, but with half of the lights are burnt out. Let’s face it, Mounties: you’re exhausted, you’ve written too many papers this semester, your projects are piling up and you’re feeling 110 per cent unprepared for upcoming exams. Sleep is an old friend you once visited back in February, and your mental capacity was depleted three weeks ago. Now here you are, chugging along like the educational train you are forced to be. But if you remain on track and focus, you just may be able to make it through the year without your grades derailing themselves.

“I’m going to plan out everything this semester!” said you from January. It’s amazing how “past you” can predict “future you” so well, but doesn’t take into account how lazy “present you” can be.  Planning is one of the easiest steps you can take to ensure a smoother transition into exam season. Studies show that actually giving yourself enough time to write an essay is surprisingly effective. Despite the full confidence I place in every one of you (I don’t really), the day-to-day approach has been screwing you over for two months. So stick to a plan, there’s a reason you made one in the first place. Just make sure you schedule in an HP marathon.

Sleep. That reason your eyes feel fuzzy right now? Probably because you haven’t slept in a fortnight (however long that it).  And I mean sleep, real sleep, not dozing off through your 8:30 class. Feel like you are going to pass out on the couch? Do it. Can’t quite finish reading this article? Hit the bed. There’s a reason you’ve never seen a dog chug a Monster and try to study astrophysics all night. That’s because it’s psychotic. On the other hand, no one has ever been called psychotic for studying responsibly and going to bed. Sleep is a greedy friend you’ve been hanging out with since you were born, and it’s too late to turn your back on him now. So give in to the peer pressure and close your eyes.

Finally, there is one remaining piece to the puzzle: studying. You can keep watching Netflix, I’m sure your prof will question you on the first three seasons of The Walking Dead. Or you can study…also known as “reading a textbook”. Studying is by far the worst thing that has happened to education. It is both an exhausting and excruciating process. Shockingly though, studying has shown a very high correlation with remembering the stuff you learned throughout the year. I mean, you spend 15 hours a week taking notes anyway, so the least you could do is look over them.

So as the semester is approaching its climax, it is important that you remain optimistic. The study pain will heal, the exam grind is brief, but the GPA glory will last forever. Keep focused and you will remain victorious. Stay golden Mounties, stay golden…the end is near.

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