Alien fugitive on the loose in Ballsackville
By Sophia Kowalski
The Cube has long been a source of mystery in the town of Ballsackville, with its true purpose remaining unknown until now. What was once believed to be a produce packaging plant has reportedly been operating as a secret intergalactic prison for extraterrestrial life. This revelation follows a recent jailbreak involving an escaped alien.
Officials claim the incident occurred during a prison transfer between Area 51 and the Cube. An individual identifying himself only as Agent J, allegedly an FBI agent dressed entirely in black, stated that the fugitive is “not an alien,” but advised the public to remain cautious of a “small green kleptomaniac.”
The suspect was last seen fleeing through a local water park before heading toward Mt. St. A, where it is believed to be hiding in the R.I.P. Bell Library. Unconfirmed campus reports suggest the creature resides in the basement during the day, emerging at night to steal backpacks and AirPods.
Though it has not been spotted in daylight, some believe the fugitive has befriended the ghosts of Shart Hall, potentially explaining a recent spike in paranormal activity. Authorities assure the public that the alien is non-violent. However, residents are advised not to leave personal belongings unattended until the fugitive is located.