75 things to do before you graduate

1. Fuck the Hart Hall ghost

2. Fall into the vile Waterfowl swamp on your 19th birthday

3. Drink Faxe because you’re too poor to drink anything else

4. Get hooked on cigarettes

5. Lose a piece of clothing in every residence

6. Get as many free drinks as possible

7. Get banned from at least three of the downtown establishments at one time

8. A whole box of wine

9. Pass out in a stranger’s room

10. Piss in a trashcan

11. Piss in the Windsor Hall fire escape

12. Piss in the Windsor Hall elevator

13. Piss on your roommate

14. Tongue-kiss BA Johnston at a BA Johnston show

15. Make all the landlords in town hate you

16. Swim in the Swan Pond

17. Kill two swans

18. Legally change your name to “John Belushi The College Man”

19. Become a Sassy’s regular

20. Win it all at the Uncle Larry’s VLTs

21. Walk to the liquor store in a blizzard

22. Go on a bender during the strike

23. Underpay your friend to drive you to the airport

24. Just try the tatertot casserole

25. Watch your friend puke at meal hall

26. Jerk off in the library bathroom

27. Don’t bother showing up to a final exam

28. Poop in every building on campus (and in town if you can)

29. Drink so much coffee you have a mental breakdown

30. Take study drugs, nature’s coffee

31. Go to an exam after not attending a class for the entire semester

32. Vomit in every residence

33. Do a chin-up in every door frame on campus

34. Green out

35. See a picture of yourself before meal hall and cry

36. Eat eight chicken burgers in one sitting

37. Break something in Windsor Hall

38. Argue your way out of a residence fine

39. Argue your way out of a police fine

40. Steal a funnel from a house party

41. Go to SappyFest. Seriously, it rules

42. Do psychedelic drugs and accidently become a nihilist

43. Get a drunk stick-and-poke tattoo of a meme that will lose relevancy in a week

44. Get a free Bob Marley poster from your weed dealer

45. Lose your dignity on the dancefloor

46. Hit the bucket

47. Slur your way through a Goya’s order at 3 a.m.

48. Stick around for reading week

49. Go to class hung over

50. Skip meals because you’re studying

51. Neglect your health entirely during finals

52. Incur crippling debt

53. Start referring to movies as “film”

54. Get into the band Godspeed You! Black Emperor

55. Start hating the band Godspeed You! Black Emperor

56. Throw a street sign into the quarry

57. Go to the Fuck Cancer party so you can stand out front and smoke cigarettes all night

58. Grow to hate your roommates

59. Grow to hate everything

60. Go through ego death

61. Get caught listening to some douchebag ramble on about Marxism at a house party

62. Get drunk on a roof

63. Do a 5th year

64. Do a 6th year

65. Graduate, I guess

66. Reflect on your complete lack of employability

67. Get a new wardrobe to fit the #Trends

68. Go to the campus pub once and then never go back again if you can help it

69. Discover it is possible to survive for two weeks with 46 cents in your bank account

70. Give every single person on campus a nickname

71. Walk out to a show at George’s (they still happen once in a while)

72. Convince everyone you can that your name is Li’l Jeb at a house party

73. Get blackout drunk on free wine at an art opening

74. Kick everyone out of a house party by blasting LCD Soundsystem’s “Damce Yrself Clean” (It’s the perfect ‘Get the fuck out of my house’ song)

75. #FindYourself

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