Holy shit did I ever have a fucked Halloweekend. I woke up today realizing that, yet again, I had not written some excessively helpful tips for you all, my adoring fans. I suppose it’s somewhat fitting that this week’s set of tips is about extending deadlines. My good friend and buddy Cammy asked me about this, and since it’s a situation I have a lot of experience with, I figured I should let you all in on some excellent ways of subverting deadlines. Let’s crack into it.
Tip 1: Do the assignment ahead of time so you don’t have to ask for an extension. Haha, just kidding – what kind of a fool would do that? Lol. Nope, the first tip is actually a classic: Tell your prof that a dog ate it. This should buy you at least until the end of the day to finish whatever assignment you forgot to do, or, should I say, to “print another copy off.” Pretty clever, right? Now, I understand that this probably won’t buy you as much time as you need, which is why there are two more tips.
Tip 2: Call in a bomb threat. This is one of the best ways to get out of handing things in on time, and it actually helps more than one person. In all the excitement of the bomb threat, your prof may even forget about the assignment entirely. This could give you one to three extra days to work on the assignment, maybe more if you get arrested for calling in a bomb threat. Then, just say you couldn’t finish the assignment because you were in jail. Alternatively, you could just actually blow up the building that you have class in. Then you probably could get a couple extra weeks.
Tip 3: Acquire a highly contagious disease. There are a couple ways you can do this. The first is to break into one of the labs in Flemington and stick your tongue in the first petri dish you find. That’ll probably give you something pretty ~narsty~ but isn’t 100 per cent guaranteed. A better way is to make out with someone who for sure has a disease, like strep throat or mono. I’m so lucky to know people with both. It’s always good to have someone sick on retainer! If you’re so sick it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll give the disease to someone else, you can probably score an extra week or two on the assignment.
OK gang, hope you all enjoyed these tips and found them helpful. Remember to like, comment and subscribe, and send your questions to Trilliam Waves on Facebook. Catch you after reading week,