What you need to know about meeting my parents

  1. Please cut the fucking cursing.


  1. If my dad doesn’t say anything, don’t worry. He’s processing.


  1. Safe topics include frisbee, Lake Superior, the 1915 Shackleton arctic expedition, my mom’s retirement, log cabins, Tom Petty, how IKEA represents capitalism and democracy, and opinions on shoes with the best ankle support.


  1. Go to my mom for small talk.


  1. Go to the dogs for emotional support.


  1. When a topic catches my dad’s interest, he will perk up and put a Fox News suit over his (surprisingly) left of center heart.


  1. My dad will make a controversial remark to bait you into an argument. Please take the bait. He loves to argue and doesn’t mind losing.


  1. Please wear a nice shirt. Shave, but not too much. Brush your hair and cut your fingernails.


  1. Please don’t worry.(Well, worry a little).


  1. After the respectful amount of stress, remember you are the wonderful guy I fell in love with.


  1. They are going to see that wonderful person too.


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