Including exclusive interviews from President- and Vice-President-Elect
By: Tony Stark
Shedwards House residents find that the sense of community in the residence is so great that they will be returning next year. In the case of the incoming VP, he loves Shedwards so much that they will be returning to the position next year to help nurture the community through merchandise, like embroidered shirts for O-Week. “Everything is great, I love Shedwards” the VP said while looking at the dirt pile caked into the floor.
When out of school, VP is a customer service employee at a company owned by Stealvings. While he is working there over the summer, VP hopes to use their job’s industrial embroidery machine to create merchandise for Edwards residents while working to get sponsored by Stealvings for future endeavours in the residence. “I’m a Stealvings employee, I am in it for love of the corporate game.”
“My favourite part of Shedwards is the people” incoming prez Daria Gillis tells The Anarchy. Shedwards residents are well known for leaving surprise gifts for people around the building. A popular space for gifts is the bathroom, where people leave puddles of urine on the floor, or excrements on the walls and sinks. The showers are the Prez’s favourite part of Shedwards’ bathrooms, “I like to lick the mold out of the caulking.”
Prez hopes to change a few things in Shedwards during her presidency, “If you piss on the seat, you’re getting the firing squad in the quad.” Their plan is to practice community engagement through mandatory firing squad shifts, in the event that somebody does not clean their mess in a shared space, or if they leave the washer door closed. “We’re doing it firing squad style because I’m a benevolent dictator and that way no single person has to feel the guilt of the death.”
Aside from the bathrooms, everyone’s favourite place in the building is the state of the art lounge. Complete with a television that is probably older than half the people in the residence, a couch, and a rickety old rocking chair, that the back comes off of. There is also a table and four chairs, and an extra chair at a different height that was found on the side of the road one night. In the low lighting of this lounge, situated by the laundry room about half its size, you can sometimes find residents playing on the Wii that actually works.
Residents also enjoy the comfort of their bedrooms, where there is an accent wall painted a dark colour. This wall eats up most of the light given off by the already dim lightbulb in the room, which is particularly useful when you’ve dropped anything on the ground and have to find it. Although, Shedwards residents do get the luxury of more than three drawers and doors on the closet.
Average Shedwards resident, Jordan McNormal was greeted by greasy handprints on the walls of their dorm room at the beginning of the year. “In the low light of my room, they glisten at the right angle” they said. These handprints are in sporadic placements on the wall the bed is attached to and upon closer inspection, McNormal deduced that these handprints were probably made from lube. “I’m so grateful that they’re there and that I can add to them for the next person.”
Everyone who lives in Shedwards loves it there, so much so that next year’s Academic Mentor for Shedwards, Tony Stark, won’t even live in the building. But through it all, the community fostered in Shedwards is so important that everyone will agree Shedwards House is not just a House, but a home.