Louisiana Senator John Kennedy always knows just what to say
By Chanel #2, obvi
- “You’re asking us to get in the van, show us the candy first.”
- “God please give me patience, because if you give me strength, I’m going to need bail money.”
- “When you argue with a fool you just prove there are two.”
- “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”
- “He has a wishbone where his backbone ought to be.”
- “Roses are red. Political love is fake. Washington weddings are just funerals with cake.”
- “Gag me with a spoon.”
- “I don’t mean disrespect, but the mayor needs to take her meds.”
- “Did you just parachute in from another planet?”
- “I believe love is the answer, but I also own a handgun just in case.”
- “No disrespect but that’s just a special kind of stupid.”
- “I talk to myself, I say, Kennedy, today you are gonna follow Jesus, and by 10 o’ clock I still wanna follow Jesus, but I also wanna slap the hell out of somebody.”
- “I’m not saying you’re the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope the dumbest person in the world doesn’t die
- “He’s put the funk into dysfunction.”
- “I think his testicles are on backorder from China.”
- “I don’t know why we have to give money to countries that hate us. They should be able to hate us for free.”
- “If the shoe fits, wear it, Cinderella.”
- “You need to stop dipping into your ketamine stash.”
- “They’re beating on him like he stole Christmas.”
- “If the aliens landed tomorrow and said, ‘take me to your leader,’ it would be embarrassing.”
- “You can have a tummy and still be yummy.”
- “I mean you called Senator [Bernie] Sanders everything but an ignorant slut […] I want the record to reflect I did not call Senator Sanders an ignorant slut.”
- “If you’re gonna be a smartass, first you have to be smart, otherwise you’re just an ass.”
- “I’ve tried to see it from their point of view, but frankly I can’t, because I can’t get my head that far up my rear end.”