My taste is impeccable, and my judgement is sacrosanct
A confession: I began my life as a sparkling water hater. I didn’t enjoy the way the tasteless bubbles felt on my tongue and didn’t see much point in spending money on cans of water. However, as an avid consumer of diet pop, I eventually came around to sparkling water as a less aspartame-y alternative to my favourite carbonated beverages. Although I haven’t yet renounced my love of Diet Coke, I thought it would be fun to compile a ranking of the flavours available from Canada’s favourite seltzer brand. For the purposes of brevity, this ranking is (mostly) confined to favours which are available for purchase in Sackville
10. Pineapple: This flavour is clocking in last because I have never actually had a pineapple Bubly. However, as a rule I don’t tend to enjoy “tropical” flavored beverages, so I am skeptical.. Nevertheless, if anyone wishes to treat me to a can I will happily oblige. Next!
9. Peach: A flavour coming just ahead of pineapple by virtue of the fact that although I have never had a full can of peach Bubly, I did have a sip out of someone’s room temperature can once. I was unmoved.
8. Grapefruit: A flavour I would never willingly purchase but would consume if I was dying of thirst in the desert. In other words, we can do better.
7. Strawberry: When it comes to this flavour, I didn’t spend two summers picking strawberries on a commercial farm for nothing. I know what a strawberry should smell and taste like, and this isn’t cutting it.
6. Cherry: From here on out, the purpose of this ranking is merely to determine which flavour will be the first among equals. I bear no ill will towards an ice-cold can of cherry Bubly. My one qualm is that it veers too close to artificial cherry candy flavour which isn’t necessarily what I’m looking for in my ideal can of sparkling water.
5. Orange: A flavour meant to be consumed on a hot summer’s day, jukebox blasting. I know that after playing their game of beach volleyball in Top Gun: Maverick, Tom Cruise and his gang of loveable underdog misfits went back to base and cracked one of these bad boys open. Highway Through the Danger Zone, and take Exit 10 into my mouth!
4. Watermelon: Beth, didn’t you just critique cherry for tasting too much like a Jolly Rancher? Isn’t the watermelon Bubly flavour identical to that of a gummy candy? Unfortunately, dear reader, I harbour a soft spot for artificial watermelon flavour, and this Bubly nails it. If loving this is a crime, I’m guilty as charged!
3. Lime: A cool, classy, classic flavour. You can’t go wrong here.
2. Blueberry Pomegranate: During a road trip to the USA this summer, I was floored to discover that the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave had secreted away behind their borders a whole host of legendary-type Bubly flavours. The country that gave the world rock-and-roll and Elvis (2022) also produced this delectable blueberry pomegranate-flavoured concoction. Although I began planning a smuggling racket to furnish myself with a supply upon finishing my own souvenir case, I was relieved to discover that President’s Choice makes their own blueberry pomegranate sparkling water, available at an Independent near you!
1. Blackberry: Blackberry Bubly is the baron of bubbles, the Bonaparte of beverages, the best of the best. An elegant and restrained brew characterized by its subtle juiciness which does not overwhelm the palate. A friend of mine bought a case and hated it. “How can you drink this all the time?” I could only shake my head, words failing me. It may be lonely at the top, but champions didn’t get there by following the crowd.
