Drinks to make you forget it is September

I am actually going insane. My last diary entry was August 21 and the only indication that time   has passed are the 17 emails I have exchanged trying to get into one English class and that I am running out of Disaronno. I did not drink a lot this summer; I was happy with my life. But with the advent of social gatherings, online assignments, and a fun personal challenge to never touch a BORG, I have compiled some drinks for you classy folk.

The sapiosexual: Flavored KOOL-AID water and the cheapest rum you can find. Measure with your heart— allegedly hydrates you as you drink. Can not confirm. Sip it as he tells you; you are probably the smartest girl he has ever been with.


Your house president’s homemade wine: What the actual fuck was that? I cannot feel my legs.

Molly Dysart’s Danger Juice: This alum’s legacy, mix equal parts fireball and apple juice. Preferably in the juice carton. Cast party favorite. Has a pleasant flavor but a threatening energy. It just — it tastes like I shouldn’t, you know? It tastes like Instant Regret. 

Blue: I asked what it was. My friend just said “Blue.” Perhaps with its roots in the Blue Lagoon cocktail, swap out lemonade for two parts blue Gatorade, one part vodka, one part blue curacao. If you try it, tell me what part of Sackville you wake up in.

Jell-O shots: (Made them wrong so it is just vodka and Jell-O powder and you gag every time you take one but can not throw them out until the insurance refund hits because vodka is too expensive).

Try these at your own risk. I do not suggest it. Happy September!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Articles