“Golly, I sure hope the Irvings buy our newspaper next.”
Following recent discourse, Mount Allison is taking steps to pay its respect to the traditional custodianship of the land. While this area is known as Sackville, N.B., the land is part of the greater territory of the Irvings.
“Pro-oil industries continue to be under-represented in Canadian higher education institutions and our universities are committed to do their part to close this education gap,” said University spokesperson Olive Huile. “We’re taking an approach that really speaks to the history of the founders of this nation: affluent white families stealing resources from the land.”
The acknowledgement is to be made at all community and public events on campus, followed by the whipping of Divest activists. In addition, the University intends to further its agenda by divesting from disciplines such as environmental sciences and the arts and by replacing Montie the Mountie with a barrel of crude.
“It really speaks to my culture,” said Saint John resident John Saint. “It makes the transition of coming to a liberal arts university a little easier.”
While many applaud the University’s decision, there are still those who remain hesitant. “Honestly the whipping is a bit excessive,” shrugged Noah Fracking, a former anthropology major and Divest MTA activist. “I preferred it when they had the commerce students throw peanuts at me.” The Argosy cannot comment on the man hiding in the bush behind Fracking.
“Oh yeah, the peanuts?” chuckled Saint, dressed in his traditional garb of a button-up dress shirt, leather loafers and an inflated ego. “Fucking classic. Part of the commerce curriculum is actually just heckling arts students as they walk by Avard-Dixon.”
The Argosy applauds the efforts made by the University and remains committed to covering this story.