The new library renovations

That’s it, we thought the topic was humorous enough…

About 100% of students on campus agree that these renovations are a topic of contention. According to stats, the proposed library renovations are a problem. And, if you think that you have gotten your boots filled with exposés that you’ve read so far, in this very paper… well… you’re wrong! It’s been too long, someone HAD to report on this topic. Rest assured.


Here at The Argosy, proper journalism happens in the humour section. It is integral to our democratic state on campus. We need a knowledgeable student body. Do not get it twisted. This is serious. It is one of the juiciest stories. Let us take a deep dive and find out what the students really think. A completely original story!

This school has a rich history, and some students want to come to this institution for the beautiful old library! Well, those history buffs are in for a real treat. In general, the student body is like your annoying baby cousin who is always crying for more, and not easily satisfied… However, this is neither here nor there. We digress. This is about the library.

Gabriel Theriault – Argosy Illustrator


Despite the restricted comments on Instagram, many students have let their voices be heard. And, they are not happy. Out on the streets, an upper year student remarks, “all these Fine Arts students and they couldn’t even help?”

The new image projections are so empty, lifeless, dare we even say conformist…at a liberal arts university, REALLY? We can’t do better, creatively?

One student says, “I hope they add chairs that give me electric shocks when I feel joy […] It’s like they hit reset in The Sims or something and then just didn’t add anything, yanno?” Like a video game, the proposed liberary renovations are still rendering… Joe Blow down the street says, “I just want to know if there will be a viewing platform for the Cube. You know, at some institutions they make you pay like 25¢ to use those binoculars, man it would suck if that happened here.” (As per ethical journalism standards we must inform you—it’s not even a cube, and Mt. A is more likely to make you pay 75¢ — heck, even a dollar).

Students seem to be divided with source who wishes to remain anonymous, “I wanna know if they’re gonna do anything with the carpet after they rip it up, like [it] could be cool to see it made into an art piece of something.” Although it seems ‘art’ is important to the student body, some interest groups report that the red carpet could actually be a biohazard… it is unclear whether the carpets should be immediately incinerated, or preserved. #TeamRed?

Outside Waterfowl Park, one student says, “I thought change was good. But, no, not like this.” With the “psych-ward white” NPC AI generated photos, the school has made one thing clear, “we heard your complaints about accessibility, and we didn’t listen!” Where will all the depressed math and computer science major students go if they cannot retreat to the white fluorescent basement? C’mon. 

While the student body might be all over the map, one thing is true, we would never joke about the million dollar budget. This has been purely about exposing to the cold hard facts. We are not afraid to get in the mud. Thanks to the federal government (two words that otherwise would never be in the same sentence), the provincial government (Haha—suck it, Higgs) and Mt. A alums (who peaked in their undergrad)… you deserve the truth! Bias in the humour section ends now. But, we do accept meal hall tickets as bribes…

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