By Dr. Alphawolf, Love Coach
So, you’ve spotted a cute girl in the wild — like a rare Pokémon, except she has places to be and is not legally obligated to battle you. The problem? You have no idea how to get her number without looking like a lost tourist trying to ask for directions. Fear not! I have cracked the code. Just follow these six foolproof steps:
1: Shower.
Yes, this step is non-negotiable. You are not a medieval knight returning from battle. Soap exists. Use it.
2: Dress like you have somewhere important to be.
Jeans and a fishing hat? No. Unless you are going fishing. Look approachable, not like an extra in a survival documentary.
3: Approach her (like a normal person, not a cryptid).
Most women appreciate confidence, but not the kind that involves staring at them from across the room like you are analyzing the stock market. Walk up, say something, preferably in a language she understands.
4: Engage in conversation.
This is key. No, you may not ask for her number within five seconds. This is not speed dating. Make eye contact, but not in a “blink twice if you are in danger” way. Say something witty, charming, or at the very least, grammatically correct.
5: Secure the digits.
If the conversation goes well, casually slide in the request for her number. Under any circumstances, do not whip out your phone and demand she input it like she is clocking into work. Confidence is attractive. Coercion is a crime.
6: Accept rejection with dignity.
If she says no, do not take it personally. Move on. There are over 8 billion people in the world, and at least three of them might text you back someday.
And there you have it! Congratulations! You have either secured a phone number or, at the very least, not been chased off campus by security.
Final Note: If all else fails, consider the time-honored tradition of mildly inconveniencing her. Maybe you can crash into her car ‘accidentally’. This way, you both have to exchange contact information so your insurance company can discuss the damages. But hey, a win is a win.
