Shocking secrets of “Cube” unveiled

Private investigators storm peculiarly shaped facility in Ballsackville

On some day of some month this year, a private investigation team raided the “Cube” after compiling years of evidence of suspicious activities around the facility. Conspiracies had spread like wildfire through the town after the white rectangular structure appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Several called it “the mothership,” and many even worshiped the building as a god — either way, its ominous presence in the area made citizens question what schemes were really taking place on the inside of its windowless walls. 

Reports of strange noises from the facility, bizarre photographs taken from trespassers that were never heard from again, and odd behavior coming from the local duck population — they were all indicators pointing toward the “Cube’s” secret government projects. Upon forced entry, investigators learned that the facility was actually used for engineering bioweapons. What was most surprising was that these weapons had been in the town for years, hiding in plain sight. The government had ordered bioengineers to produce cyborg ducks that could execute important missions. Their duties consisted of spying, reporting data back to the government, and even intercepting other private organizations. Additionally, reporters were baffled to find out that the ducks were even capable of mass nuclear destruction if “such precautions came to be necessary”.  

Having these dangerous creatures in the vicinity of innocent, clueless locals was a major violation of public security. Officials responsible for the project’s creation and pursuit are currently refusing to speak on the matter, however, we were able to pose a few questions to passersby during the arrests. “Non-specific excuse,” said a random project worker.  

Much is still unknown as to why these activities happened, and why they chose Ballsackville to do their work. Nevertheless, operations have finally ceased until further notice.

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