Newly renovated residence disappears into thin air

Whopper Hall is fucking gone

Holy shit guys ughg gh ohmigod. Okay. SO. I was walking to Junkings Dining Hall with David (you know David) and we took that back path uphill with the stairs. Shit, that guy was also with us: the one who looks like Super Mario but like without his ageless charm and upbeat positivity. Idk, we eat lunch together sometimes. But we were walking and on top of the hill we could see: Whopper Hall actually disappeared.


I kid you not. No kids in this house. 18+. Whopper Hall, the newly-renovated and previously (affectionately) termed shithole between the Shambell and Twinksor Halls is gone. It just disappeared. The fence is still up, ironically blocking off hundreds of feet of bare earth and a 20×20’ pit I think is a swimming pool? There’s also a changing station and kiosk selling sunscreen and striped red/white towels. I tried to ask the kiosk attendant how long she had been there and where the residence was and also why there was a pool but she snarled at me and threw silverware. Jokes on you, I ran out of spoons bringing tomato soup to a potluck. Thanks, bitch.


Anyways, campus speculation places the building’s disappearance sometime between October 24 and Monday when I was walking with David up the hill and we saw that the residence was gone. That guy who looks like Mario gave verbal confirmation that “there was a building here, I think,” which is no help at all, but we unfortunately can not follow-up on that statement (because I have no idea who he is). Also if he is even real. Whopper’s disappearance has me questioning a lot of things.


Is it wrong to call Kiosk Lady a bitch? It is not her fault she is forced to watch loud, pushy almost-grownups running around the dining hall all day. Honestly, we should give more credit to the daily labour workers that keep this economy alive and campus running. Maybe the fence is there for her protection. Or ours. Sometimes you look at a person and they have just a few too many teeth, you know?


In retrospect, I might miss Whopper Hall. It was derelict, for sure. Flooded and slowly poisoning us from the inside with mould. Fucking death trap. But I dunno. It gave us a common purpose. We were all suffering together. The pool is nice, and like with my spoons, sometimes you just gotta let go and move on. I hope whatever comes next brings us together like the old building did. If it was ever there.

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