A beloved event here at Mt. St. A is the much-needed Sex Toy Bingo. To participate in this event you pay a couple of dollars (it’s made cheap for us struggling, bitchless university students) for a bingo card. If you get bingo, you win a sex toy! Back in 2022, Sex Toy Bingo was running in Mt. St. A’s cafe, Greasie’s, and I think they didn’t check what channel the TVs were playing before starting.
With yet another British royal being diagnosed with some horrible disease, now is the perfect time to reminisce. With the tragic loss of the longest reigning British monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, I would like to think that we, here at Mt. St. A, were blessed by her. As a first-year university student, there is no experience quite like looking up from your Sex Toy Bingo card to see the TV broadcast of Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral procession (I swear this part isn’t the joke. This actually happened).. It’s what she would’ve wanted. Now every time I use my vibrator, I think of her. I wonder, who’s next? Which royal family member’s funeral is going to jumpscare me when I’m at the next Sex Toy Bingo?
