The poster to end all wars

Mt. St. A proposes crazy scheme

Mt. St. A, despite its rather small size, has had its fair share of major issues in the past year. With rising political tensions across the globe, and the related rise in bigotry in all forms, many students have been affected. Multiple hate crimes have occurred across campus, and with pressure from student societies to solve this issue and stand with minorities, Mt. St. A has come up with a surprising solution to a deeply systemic problem.


Posters are now the poster child for anti-hate campaigns across the now flourishing campus. What was originally a hellscape frequented by racists, transphobes, and assaults is now expected by campus authorities to become a safe haven. Though there is scepticism, many leading authorities on the matter seem thrilled at the prospect. “If only we had thought of this sooner!” states Jim Bob McGee, president of the Mt. St. A Society Against Hate. The posters across campus contain powerful statements, with the anti-transphobia poster sporting the phrase “Pronouns, huh? Alrighty!” against  a rainbow backdrop. Causing a stir, their drink-spiking posters have achieved a cult-following of pro-abstinence students and parents with the statement, “Dehydration saves lives! Just don’t drink.” Similarly, the anti-racism posters have received nothing but negative reviews given their unique and original phrasing: “All races are cool! Cars, bikes, three-legged. You name it!”


Despite drawing in some initial critique, Penny-Anna Knickle, VP of Something, has come forward to release a statement at a local Ballsackville press conference. “We hear the criticism of students, and we understand the frustration,” she explains. “However, while we have seen some negativity, we expect this will change through time as the posters’ effects are unveiled,” she added, revealing charts and graphs of projected outcomes. When questioned regarding the involvement of the Sociology department or student minority groups, she stated that a focus group and outside involvement in the project would have only slowed the process. “While no professionals or affected students were consulted, we have had many years of experience with posters and have developed a killer graphics design repertoire that we are certain will knock the socks off of any prospective bigot,” Knickle concluded.


Further details and comments are pending, regarding the overall results of the situation, but students are concerned that it will take more than great graphic design skills to stave off hate crimes. In the meantime, the campus has been asked to end all criticism of the situation in a recent email to the student body. Student emails were apparently harshly worded and hurtful, with Knickle going so far as to say, “there is a rampant refusal to use the Compliment Sandwich, which has ultimately affected our staff’s mental health.” With such heightened stress on campus, students can only hope for a swift end to rising tensions.

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